The principle behind Step One (“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable”) in Alcoholics Anonymous is honesty. Our first step is to admit to ourselves that we are addicts who need help. It’s the first of many truths we must tell to get well. But Step One is just the beginning of our journey with honesty. If we embrace the principle in its entirety, the power of honesty in recovery can offer us gifts for years to come. Here’s my story about the gift of honesty.

Before I Got Sober, I Was Dishonest about My Feelings

Dishonesty can be a coping mechanism to avoid vulnerability. Like many of us, I come from a broken home where it was unsafe to share my feelings. I was stuck in the middle of loving two parents who were going through an acrimonious divorce. Initially, I was honest about my feelings surrounding our family situation. But as tensions within my family grew, I was penalized for my emotions. They were weaponized against me, and eventually, I learned to lie about them. Lying allowed me to keep the peace, avoid confrontation, and navigate the complexities of adult emotions that I was not old enough to understand. Masking my feelings and outright lying about them kept me safe.

Years later, into adulthood, I continued to hide my feelings from everyone in my life. I truly believed if someone knew what hurt me, they would hurt me. I didn’t want to feel the vulnerability I did as a child, so I was dishonest.

Childhood Coping Skills Can Negatively Impact Our Adult Relationships

Many of us formed coping mechanisms to deal with difficult situations we experienced as children. Those coping mechanisms may have worked for us then. But, when we grow up and are in entirely different situations that are safe, those coping mechanisms can hinder us and prevent us from having healthy relationships and living our lives fully.

There is so much beauty that comes from working the Twelve Steps thoroughly. We uncover patterns of behavior that aren’t serving us and are able to break them and create a brand-new path forward.

Discovering the Power of Honesty in Recovery

When working the Fifth Step with my sponsor, I finally saw how lying about my true feelings had harmed every adult relationship thereafter. This realization was a momentary gut punch. I WAS THE PROBLEM. But, if I’m the problem, I’m also the solution. That’s how change works and that’s where hope lives.

By working the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I realized that lying was blocking me from forging the loving relationships I desperately craved. So, I started getting honest.

I began slowly telling people when my feelings were hurt, when I felt joy, when I was worried, and when I needed a hug. It was a crawl-before-I-walked scenario because changing a lifelong pattern of behavior is difficult – especially if it’s one that tricked you into believing it was protecting you.

When the Walls You Built Don’t Protect You, Break Them Down

Here’s what happened, though. I strengthened my relationship with every member of my family. I discovered that the sense of aloneness I’d felt all my life slipped away. I found myself really trusting people and being trusted in return. And, when I heard the words, “I love you,” I finally took them in and felt them.

When I decided to show people my true self, I finally FELT loved. Before that, whenever someone said “I love you” to me, I would think, “No. You don’t. Because you don’t know me.”

That’s the power of honesty in recovery. It opens the door to love; and there is no greater gift.

If You’re Struggling with Addiction, We Can Help

You won’t know what doors recovery will open for you until you walk through them. It’s time to open the door. If you’re struggling the way I once did, you know what’s behind the door of addiction. It’s time to find out what’s behind door number two. It’s worth it and it works. The mere fact that I’m writing this and sharing my deepest emotions with you, when I spent decades committed to lying about them, is proof.

Please contact us today. We’ll help you get sober and find a life you never imagined possible!